A portrait of my daughter, once a week, every week, in 2015
19 weeks old – two feet
These two little feet are always moving, kicking, rubbing together, exploring the world in every way they can. One day these feet will take you on all sorts of adventures as you roam this big wide world. They will be calloused and scared by your adventures but for now they are delicate and soft. Becoming a mother has been an overwhelming reminder that we are, after all, animals. In the first few days and weeks when my hormones and instincts led me with power I have never felt before, when my milk came in and I started leaking milk even at the slightest thought of you, when I looked down at my tiny bundle, a little creature squeaking and grunting in my arms, relying completely on instinct and thousands of years of evolution. Now your little active feet remind me every day as you use them almost as much of your hands, to feel and grasp at anything in their reach, like a little monkey.
We had a busy week and we are all so tired. You have been waking a bit more frequently in the nights and seem to be becoming more upset when you think you are alone. During our days I carry you close, in my arms or a baby carrier, when I can't stay with you as you play on the floor. At night you are ending up next to me in bed more frequently, your poor Papa banished to another room so that you can sleep safely. I miss him but I also adore hearing and smelling your soft and sweet milky breath next to me. I know some people may think we're creating a 'rod for our own back' (as the saying goes) but for now my instincts tell me that this is what you need. One day those little feet of yours will take you far from my arms, so I cuddle you close for now, while I still can
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